The One-In-A-Million Kid

I suppose it’s a common enough wish among parents that within their smiling, gurgling baby is the seed of genius.  As they watch their child trotting for the first time down a soccer field, visions of them eventually playing for Manchester United can’t help but flit through their mind.  The money, the fame, the pride—they can just about finger a wisp of it, because with a child so young anything is possible.  And it’s encouraging to consider that every professional athlete started out as somebody’s child, out there on a Saturday morning playing soccer or flag football.  Just a kid mixed in with all the other kids, except for one notable difference—they showed promise.

Ah, promise.  Parents love to hear that their children possess it.  When a coach utters that magic word, they are suddenly willing to open their pocket book, almost without a second thought.  Whether it’s the promise of becoming a ballerina or a major league pitcher, parents tend to chase that goal with a chunk of their paycheck.  And why shouldn’t they?  The seed might be there.  That precious seed that needs expensive nourishing.

And for some, the nourishing pays off.  The dream is realized, their child playing the violin in Carnegie Hall or singing on Broadway.  But for most, the wisp we can finger vanishes, and our children reveal themselves to be ordinary, or talented, but not enough to make the cut.  Or maybe, and this is probably the case a great deal of the time, they don’t want it enough to work for it.

In Daniel Coyle’s, The Talent Code, Coyle makes a strong case for what can be accomplished if we’re willing to work for it.  He spent years conducting research in talent hotbeds, places that seemed to churn out wunderkinds, and what he learned was that it’s not just an either you got it or you don’t situation.  Talent can be developed, especially with the proper training.

I agree with Mr. Coyle, but only to a point.  The flat-footed cutie pie who yearns to be a prima ballerina has her anatomy working against her.  I love what his research shows, but at some point, our kids really are sometimes born with a special gift, and when they tap into it, parental pride goes through the roof as they watch their kids score the winning touchdown or basket or whatever.

But what about ordinary kids?  That’s what boarding schools were invented for.  I’m joking!  The truth is no child is ordinary.  Each one, even the ones that won’t end up playing pro ball, have been blessed with talents.  I think it’s important that we give them opportunities to develop them, with the understanding that in doing so we’re trying to enhance their childhood, not invest in our retirement.  Jim Rome calls those who are trying to invest in their retirement “gravy training”.  It rarely works for some, but then at what cost?  I remember Andre Agassi saying he hated tennis.  Yes, it’s a sport that’s brought him money and fame, but what about happiness?  What about the strained relationship he has with his overly ambitious father?

The message that I think every child needs to hear is that they are loved whether they score the point or not.  That our love for them doesn’t ebb or flow depending on their success on the tennis court of football field.  They are enough just as they are, but they still need to take out the trash.