The Upside To Infidelity

As Matt Lauer can tell you, nothing clears your schedule like sexual misconduct. 

While the rest of us were learning about Matt Lauer’s lewd, and possibly criminal, behavior, Matt was probably telling himself to look on the bright side of things—now he could sleep in!  For the first time in twenty years, he could turn out the lights and wake up whenever.  Getting fired from the hottest morning news show tends to mean you don’t have to set your alarm.  And while getting fired for tossing your male member around at work like a Frisbee is humiliating, it does allow you to be first in line at the DMV, which is great, because then you can then get on with the rest of things you have scheduled during the day.  Oh wait, that’s right, you don’t have to do any of that stuff now because you’re fired.

If I could, I’d like to interview Matt.  Of course, I’d be careful not to bend forward so that he wouldn’t look down my shirt, and say, “Nice view,” and I’d be careful not to stand too close, so he didn’t pinch my rear.  Basically, I’d treat him like a circus lion, and brandishing a whip in one hand and a chair in the other, I’d ask him, Was it worth it?  Was all the pleasure you took in exploiting women worth the consequences you’re now forced to experience? 

A disturbing number of people behave as if their marital vows were, "Til Lunch Do Us Part", thus turning peers into potential conquests rather than associates.  Cheating, among other things, shifts the family schedule, making it necessary that, in addition to soccer practice and piano lessons, stony silence, unexplained absences, and violent outbursts need to be penciled in.  Oh, and whispers.  Let's not forget whispers.

Whispers from class mates suck.  I was eleven when I dove into the deep end of that ocean.  Over Christmas break I learned of my father’s infidelity and my parents’ plans to divorce, and when I returned to school, the whispers were there to greet me.  You know your life is in the toilet when even the bullies give you sympathetic looks. 

And so, in the midst of this mess Matt has made for himself, my thoughts turn to his kids.  He has a son who is eleven.  He's probably been pulled out of school for a day or two to avoid the whispers, but they'll be there when he returns, as is the near constant coverage of the allegations against his father when he turns on a device.

I’d like to tell his eleven-year old to hang in there, keep his chin up.  Yes, it hurts now, but the way things are looking, someone else’s father’s bad behavior is going to take the headlines soon enough, and, besides, those nights of crying yourself to sleep, and those days of feeling powerless and scared, that stuff’s character building.  And, looking on the bright side, your dad has said his new full-time job is searching his soul and repairing the damage he's done!  Sure, it would have been better if he had shown through his actions fidelity to your mother and an unwillingness to abuse the power connected to his high-paying job.  But hey, we can't all be Atticus Finch, and if soul searching is your dad's new gig, you can count on one thing--he will never be unemployed again.