The Dog Ate Your Baby Book : May 2018

Rich and Lisa not only took Rome, we slayed it. We stabbed that city in the heart, chopped it into bits, and dumped it into the river. And yes, I’ve been binge-watching NCIS. But seriously, we have more to share about our trip to Rome! So, let’s get going. Once again I’m writing in the normal font, and Rich’s comments are in Italics.

MY TRIUMPHANT RETURN AND THE LEGIONS OF LIVERPOOLIANS

Turns out I booked our arrival to Rome to coincide with a particularly heated soccer match involving Rome and Liverpool. I don’t understand soccer. Rome won, but not by enough, so Liverpool won. It was a puzzler, unlike the posters all over Rome that said Oido (I Hate) Liverpool! Yep, there was some bad blood between these two teams, and lots of fans were converging on Rome for a piece of the action. That meant the customs line was slow and people were trying to skip us, but not with Rich aka Gandalf-You-Shall-Not-Pass! on the job. That’s right, we don’t care about you, your toddler twins, and emotional support Chihuahua. Back of the line! For the record, there was no lady with twins and a Chihuaha. It was a man. I’m joking. Rich here. For the real record, some lady was trying to get her whole travel group of 18 people past us and I had had enough. I think my words were “that’s enough.”

I was a bit stressed about how we were going to get from the airport to the hotel, but as it turns out, Rome’s got it all figured out. There is a train, The Leonardo Express (13 euros), that runs from the airport to Termini station, which is Rome’s bus/metro/train station. Once you’re there, you’re essentially downtown. Our hotel was a five-minute walk from the station, which, as I stated in my last post, thanks to our yard sale luggage, Rich thoroughly enjoyed. I made due. The original McGyver series was based on a man named McKendrick. Need I say more. (I may have made up the McGyver/McKendrick thing.)

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

I don’t know why, but my natural pessimism tends to take a hike when it comes to the weather. Did I consult a forecast while preparing for our time in Rome? No, I just assumed it would probably be sunny. Why thirty plus years away from Rome had me convinced that we were in for sunny, hot weather, I can’t say, but I will say this, it would have been smart for us to have packed RAIN PONCHOS. Turns out early May in Rome can be a bit of a dog’s nose—wet and cold. Who knew? Probably someone, just not me. In all candor, Rome was full of people approaching us every five minutes asking us if we wanted to buy an umbrella. It wasn’t until our 2^nd day of rain, at 10:00 at night that we finally paid five euros (about six bucks) for one. Because it was going to be sunny soon!

ENTERING TWILIGHT ZONE

So, not only would rain ponchos have kept us dry, they would have minimized our twilight zone experience. Let me explain. So, a long time ago there was this dirt bag named Schippio Borghese, and he happened to be the nephew of the Pope, which meant he had plenty of money and power, but zero principles. So, Schippio’s one big passion in life was art, and he collected it any way he could, which included throwing people in jail and stealing it. You name it, he did it. But, the good news is all his art is still in his mansion which sits just on the edge of Rome. The bad news is, getting to his mansion can be confusing. Rich and I had plenty of time to get to the Borghese before our tour time, so we strolled around town, took in the sights, and eventually stopped to eat. There is so much to learn when you’re in a city like Rome, and the day of our Borghese tour we learned that Rich is lactose intolerant, and that my pizza covered in buffalo mozzarella had his body wanting to a wonderful impersonation of Trevi Fountain. We were in Italy so Trevi Fountain is a wondeful comparison, but yet, somewhat lacking. Think more Mt. Vesuvius with lots of tremors before the mighty eruption.

So yeah, that slowed us down a bit. But, no worries, we still had loads of time. Trouble was, when we finally got to the Borghese we discovered it’s not just one spot, it’s an entire park. Sort of like Central Park, except, unlike Central Park, sparsely populated. There was a man selling balloons, another playing an organ grinder, a wind-up monkey banging cymbals just sitting in the road (possibly a figment of my imagination), and a guy walking by in a trench coat, not to mention, loads and loads of winding paths. As soon as we got there, the rain began. What had all day been just mist turned into plunking drops. But no worries, we were at the Borghese! Except wrong turn after wrong turn meant that instead of finding the gallery we just kept finding ourselves back at the organ grinder. So, let me fast forward the picture for you: Rich limping along in pain, the rain becoming a mini hurricane, me running around trying to figure out where the gallery was, the monkey banging his cymbals, and the organ grinder playing on. It was as close to the twilight zone as I have yet to experience. But with just minutes to spare, we made it to the Borghese and were able to look at some of the most beautiful statues ever created. Bernini was a genius, and Schippio Borghese’s greed means that there are plenty in the Borghese. They only give you two hours to see everything in the Borghese Gallery, then they kick you out. I saw marble statues, wonderful paintings, but saw too much of their porcelain thrones.

#metoo

Yes We VatiCAN

The big draw at the Vatican is The Sistine Chapel. It’s where Michelangelo painted his masterpieces, and it’s where the cardinals meet to vote for the next pope. The Sistine Chapel is a must, and I thought it was interesting that the loin cloths covering the hinterlands of everyone at the final judgement were not part of the original design, but apparently, they were added by Michelangelo’s friend at the request of the Catholic church after Michelangelo’s death due to pressure from the Protestants to cover up. Seen with that bit of info, the loin cloths looked out of place to me, but added a bit of interesting history. After seeing the Sistine Chapel, we hustled over to St. Peter’s Basilica. It’s huge, and it’s a good thing, because there was a crowd a mile long waiting to get in. Thankfully, we skipped that line because of our tour, and walked right in. I’ve got nothing here. It was a lot to see in a short amount of time.

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia And Lisa's Mind

David about the slay Goliath

What our hallway looked like before the renovation

Vatican Square

My life coach is a chain-smoking drunk who, when it comes to saying what she thinks, doesn’t have a filter. I didn’t pick her. Like the wand choosing the wizard, she picked me, and, conveniently, lives inside my head. It’s convenient because I don’t have to pay her, but, on the downside, she has an opinion about pretty much everything. So, recently, when my book, Brush With Love, was selected as a Whitney finalist, and I was trying to decide whether to postpone my anniversary trip to Europe so I could attend the gala, she didn’t hold back.

Just as I was imaging the master of ceremonies saying, and the winner is…Lisa McKendrick! she laughed/coughed up phlegm, and said, “Sweetheart, don’t kid yourself.” As usual, she was wearing a muumuu and swirling her martini with her index finger. “You’re a doll, Lisa,” she said, “really you are. You’ve spent the better part of two decades breeding, you recycle, and you feel compelled to write romances that are about as steamy as the user’s manual for my 1983 Motorola mobile phone, and when you finally get the chance to go back to Italy, you’re considering cancelling because you might win a writing award. Let me tell you something. You’re no Hemingway. I should know. My sister once dated his second cousin. I hate to break it to you. Actually, I have no problem breaking it to you. You’re not going to win. So, go to Italy and Spain. That will give you something to blog about when you get back. No one wants to read about you not winning an award. Losers and silver linings are both incredibly boring. Now be a doll and empty my ash tray.”

Turns out my life coach was right--I didn’t take home the Whitney (cue heavy sigh), but because I took her advice and didn’t cancel our anniversary trip to Europe, I have lots to blog about! Actually, Rich and I have a lot to blog about (his comments will appear in italics) and to get the ball rolling we’re going to start with our advice when visiting Rome.

1. Pack light, Wheely Light!

I know what you’re thinking. You’re going to Europe and you want to look fantastic, and, for you, looking fantastic means bringing multiple shoes to coordinate with multiple outfits. That’s fine when you’re staying at the Marriott in Detroit, but when you’re traveling to Europe less is more. Bring half what you were planning to bring and be sure to put it all in a suitcase with excellent wheels. You’re going to be rolling that sucker over ancient cobblestones and you don’t want them to give out! Get your rolling luggage from some place other than a yard sale, because it’s far nicer when the handle pulls all the way out. Mine (purchased for a buck) only pulled out all the way on occasion. So, that meant while rolling my suitcase to our Rome hotel, I was hunched over to one side like Quasimodo, which would have been fine, but we weren't visiting Paris. Still, that didn’t stop me from randomly shouting out, Sanctuary!

2. When Flying Internationally, It’s Light’s Out!

This advice comes courtesy of Connie Ricks, a seasoned traveler, and it’s simply this: take two Advil PM when you’re on the long flight over seas. Yes, in the event of an emergency you’re screwed. But, hey, you’re probably screwed anyway if there’s an emergency whether you’re alert or not. So, keeping in mind how extremely safe air travel is, follow Connie’s advice and when you get to Rome you’ll be in fairly good shape! On the other hand, nine hours of flight allows you to see three movies and read the rest of a book while your beloved drools on her complimentary pillow.

3. Take It All In, Even The Exhaust And Second-Hand Smoke.

One thing that Rich and I did that I enjoyed was after checking into our hotel we grabbed our map and just started walking around. Rome is a very walkable city, and, to my surprise, it felt both safe and clean. And there are so many iconic spots to see! That first night we turned a corner and bam! There was the Colosseum, and then bam, the Vittorio Emanuel monument. Just walk around and see what you can find. It’s so exciting to wander around and think, Wow, we’re here! Have shoes that are ready for a walk. I didn’t mind walking literally half a marathon a day, but my feet did.

Plus, if you’re planning on wearing khaki on khaki like me, it might be wise to bring hiking boots to complete your safari outfit. Please see pics.

4. Make Reservations For The Big Stuff

If you think you’re going to mosey up to the Colosseum entrance around noon and grab a ticket for the day, you’re mistaken. For the super big draws like the Colosseum, The Borghese Gallery, and The Sistine Chapel, you gotta plan ahead. There are cheaper ways of going about it, but the way we handled these very popular spots was by booking tours with The Roman Guy, and I think The Roman Guy did a good job. Each tour allowed us to bypass the mega lines and walk right in, and because we were given an earbud and our tour guide had a mic, we never had trouble hearing what they had to say. Our Colosseum tour included access to the highest levels of the Colosseum, which is not included in most tours. And if in Rome, you’ve got to see the Colosseum! On the flip side, check out the free walking tours in every major city. Look them up on line when you get there and book one for every city. You pay, when it is over, the amount you want to tip, and it’s a great way to get to get acquainted with a city.

5. Make A Reservation To Eat At Roscioli’s

I’m not going to lie, the food in Rome had me missing Carrabba’s. So much of it was just okay, nothing spectacular. I had heard that Rome’s signature pasta dish was Caccio e Pepe, and so I tried it twice, and both times it was meh. But there was this place in Campo di Fiori that was bumpin’. Everyone seemed to want to eat there! It was called Roscioli’s, and I wish we had eaten there. I think Roscioli’s would have been just a lot more money for sub-par pasta. My highlight of eating in Rome was our first day when we ate al fresco at a restaurant and I called my dad in California by using a nearby McDonald’s WIFI.

Trevi Fountain And Spanish Steps At Night!

The story goes that if you toss a coin in the Trevi fountain you will return to Rome, and day and night the fountain is packed with tourists trying to guarantee their return trip to the eternal city. So, you’re not going to miss the crowds by going at night, but at night the fountain seems more magical, and, for some reason, the barricades—at least the day we visited—we’re gone, allowing everyone to get right up to the fountain, allowing for the perfect photo op! Just around the corner from the fountain is a gelateria that shouldn’t be missed. It’s called Gioletti’s, and the word is out that they make fantastic gelato because the line can sometimes be outside the door. But do not fear, they keep it moving at a brisk pace. Word to the wise, you pay the cashier first and then stand in line for your gelato. So, don’t look like a chump. Pay first before you stand in line!

Another beautiful spot to visit at night is the Spanish Steps. Again, this is not going to be a quiet, cozy, just-the-two-of-you place. There are going to be hordes of people, but the steps at night are beautiful, even if you have to share them with a zillion people. During Spring, flowers adorn the steps, making them even more gorgeous, and at the top of the steps, not only do you have a beautiful view of the city, but yet another cathedral to discover. As I recall, it is a French cathedral, and when we went in it two people were singing. The girl sounded lovely. My life coach would have told the guy to not quit his day job. Trevi Fountain is nice, but The Spanish steps were a lot more fun. The higher up you go on the steps, the better the view of the city. There’s also a cathedral at the top is beautiful. But then again, every cathedral in Rome is beautiful.

The National Museum For Naps!

At some point jet lag is going to hit you, and when it does, grab a ticket to the National Museum, see what you can before your eye lids get too heavy and then head down to their coin collection and take a nap while your spouse, who for some reason has an interest in coins, looks around. The benches are wide and long, and no one is there. It was the perfect place to recharge your battery before taking on the city again. The National Museum is sort of like the Smithsonian, but not as big. It is several different buildings near each other which would take more than a day to see. Buy the ticket to see it all and see it all, even if you wife has to fall asleep while you are looking at gold coins stamped with pictures of Alexander the Great, because they’re so old they're from the time when Alexander was still Great.

Speak With The Locals!

Romans are friendly, so enjoy getting to know them. And if you know some Italian, speak it! The best way to learn, or, in my case, relearn a language is to dive in and speak it. Don’t worry about errors, just get busy and parlare! It’s a lot of fun, even if it makes your brain ache from time to time. I’m a big fan of Benny Lewis who has written a book called, Fluent In Three Months. Benny’s approach is speak first, figure out the grammar later. He says you have to be willing to make mistakes and sound like Tarzan so that you can rapidly learn. And I gotta say, speaking Italian again, I made a ton of mistakes. Still, people were able to understand me, and it was fun to talk to people. But they all insist on speaking to you in English. As much as we wanted to speak Italian, just about everyone answered in English. There was one place we ate lunch and the Italian version of Roseanne was behind the counter. She didn’t seem too enamored with us until Lisa started in with the Italian. I have to say that it was annoying how prevalent English was in Central and Northern Italy. It gave me a new respect for my mission in Southern Italy. The Italians there forced me to learn Italian because they didn’t speak English, and I love that I hardly ever saw an American tourist. I was thrown into the deep end of the language ocean and I truly benefited because of it.

Do Your Laundry In Your Hotel Sink

Rick Steves knows how to do Europe, so be sure to pick up his guide books before you set off on your next European adventure. One of his bits of advice is don’t waste time heading to a laundromat. Time there is time you could be spending touring around. Instead, do whatever laundry you need done in your sink. This worked great for us. It allowed us to bring less yet still have clean clothes. Do your laundry at night when you’re done for the day and hang it up wherever you can without damaging the hotel furniture. I liked to hang it up in the closet and then place a towel beneath to protect the floor from drips.

That’s it for now. Next post we’ll cover a for more of our tips for when you’re visiting Rome, and then dive into our suggestions for how to make the most out of your trip to Florence. Arrivederci!