Saying Yes to the Dress

If I were smart I would have blogged about Julia and Caroline’s weddings while we were in the midst of them, but I was a bit panicked and overwhelmed at the time, so my reflections will have to do.  And one of the subjects I wanted to delve into was the dress hunt. First, I should say that I love a well-made dress for a great price.  Not that I wear dresses often.  I seldom exit my mom uniform—jean shorts, sandals, and a top.  But when I wear a dress, I like it to be lovely, and so you can imagine that I was game for shopping for wedding dresses. As it turned out, I never did go shopping with Caroline. 

She found her dress in an unconventional way.  A friend had purchased a wedding dress online, a lovely Claire Pettibone number that retailed well beyond most wedding dress budgets.  However, the dress had previously been worn, and so the dress cost considerably less than it had originally.  The friend who had purchased the dress online realized, once she tried it on, that the dress even if altered wouldn’t fit her correctly, and so she made the decision to sell it.  Caroline tried it on, fell in love, and her father opened his wallet.  End of story. 

Actually, I shouldn’t say, end of story.  The Claire Pettibone had to be altered to comply with modesty standards that we wanted to keep, and so we turned to the same friend’s seamstress for help.  Usually, when I think of a seamstress, I think of a shop sandwiched in a strip mall between a nail salon and a Subway, but not this seamstress.  Paula Nelson Hart is more than a seamstress, she’s an artist who happens to also work with fabric, so it’s only fitting that her work space was up the canyon, which added another fun layer to the several fittings that we scheduled with her. 

Paula is, in my opinion, a hidden gem in Utah County. She was able to match lace and fabrics to Caroline’s dress in such a manner that it was impossible tell where the original dress ended and where the alterations began.  And in the wedding dress world that is a rare feat.  I’ve seen so many dresses that look altered.  Caroline’s dress looked complete.  And she was, without question, a beautiful bride.

One of my favorite features on her dress was the lace on the skirt.  It was so intricate, so pretty.  I loved watching her in her wedding dress surrounded by all that beautiful lace.  And as if transforming Caroline’s dress weren’t enough, Paula also made a veil for her to match her dress, scratch that she made two veils and we got to choose one.  It was such a pretty addition.  And really, why as a bride would you pass on the opportunity to wear a veil?  My advice is don’t skip out on this fun fashion feature.  Soon enough all you’ll be wearing most days is a baseball cap as you race out the door to do errands, so enjoy your veil time! 

We felt lucky that Caroline ending up being a Paula Nelson Hart bride, but it didn’t occur to me that Julia should be one too, until after we tried on close to one hundred dresses.  The one hundredth dress mark is about the time when trying on dresses is no longer fun.  Or, I should say, no longer as fun.  I know some moms couldn’t take that much wedding dress shopping, but I didn’t start to fatigue until way late in the game.  What can I say?  I love dresses.  Whereas Caroline’s dress hunt took us one place, we looked everywhere for Julia’s dress.  We looked online, in wedding shops in several states, and, of course, online, but we couldn’t find just what she was looking for.  We came close a few times, but nothing was the dress. 

The closest we came was a rental dress in the Salt Lake area.  The shop specialized in wedding dress rentals and one of their Allure dresses in her size was perfect, but the problem that we ran into was that she wouldn’t be in Salt Lake a few weeks before her wedding to get the dress altered and to pick it up.  We were out of options for Julia.  Heading back up the canyon for one of Caroline’s fittings, it occurred to me to ask Paula if she could make Julia’s dress.  We showed her a picture of Allure rental, and she said that she could make it in her sleep.  Well, she didn’t say that, but she did sound like the dress wouldn’t be a stretch for her.  We told her she was hired, and went one step further and said, Look, we know you hunt for lace online all the time.  You know the vendors, you know what is quality and what isn’t.  You pick the lace, and all the materials.  We leave it in your able hands. Here’s some money.  Thank you for being talented.  

And so Paula made the dress for Julia.  She looked stunning in it.  One of the things that Julia wanted was a lace over lace look on the skirt.  Paula was able to find a cheaper lace to go under and a beautiful lace for on top that she also used on Julia’s veil, which, by the way, was beyond beautiful.  What I also loved was the care that Paula took in shipping it to us.  No dress, veil, and underskirt, were ever wrapped with such care.  It was so fun to get that package and see Julia in her dress.   

I know this is going to sound crazy, but I’m a little sad the wedding hoopla is over.  Yes, it was exhausting and stressful and expensive.  But to see your daughter in her wedding dress is truly an exquisite moment, one that I will cherish always.  And what follows is my practical advice for any mom and daughter team on the hunt for the dress. 

1.        Don’t bring an entourage of children with you to the boutique.  We did that once, and while the staff was incredibly obliging, we felt stupid.  And besides, they treated the dresses like a psychiatrist’s ink blots.  That one reminds me of a poodle.  That one reminds me of porcupine.  That one reminds me of a chandelier.  Thanks. 

2.      Compare the dress you’re interested in to a car.  If you could buy a fantastic vehicle for what you’re spending on that dress, you’ve gone too far.  Everyone’s budget is different, but keep in mind you’ll only wear it for a few days at the most, and then you’ll be tucking it away forever.  

 

3.       Don’t get a short dress or a beachy, breezy number.  This is your day!  Own it!  You can wear beach attire or a short dress any time at all.  Enhance the spectacle of your ceremony with a beautiful dress.  Am I encouraging you to look like Marie Antoinette?  Possibly.  Hey, it worked for Celine Deon.  But in truth, I think that a lovely wedding dress doesn’t look every day.  It looks special day. 

4.       Skip David’s Bridal.  I didn’t like the fabrics.  The staff was nice, but there was lots of chiffon, lots of silhouette sleeves and neckline, and not a lot else.  They weren’t varied enough.  However, I like their price point. 

5.       Skip the blingy belt.  It’s a budge buster and most dresses are beautiful enough without them. 

6.       Try on one dress of every style—A line, mermaid, ball gown, fit and flare, etc.  You may be surprised by what you fall in love with. 

7.       Don’t argue.  Remember, you are making memories.  If you don’t see eye to eye, be sweet about it. 

8.       Stop looking when you’re tired or hungry. The dresses just become a blur. 

9.       Don’t bring your fiancé.  Stay true to tradition and let him see the whole enchilada when it’s fully cooked—dress, make up, veil, etc. 

10.   Don’t have a dress made for you in China. It will end badly. 

11.   Do use Paula Nelson Hart to make your dress.  You will not be disappointed! 

12.   Wedding dress sizes are wonky.  If you’re a size six, you’ll most likely wear a size twelve or fourteen wedding dress.  Don’t let that freak you out. 

13.   Don’t expect tears of joy.  Maybe it’s just me, but that’s not the way I react to fabric.  Do, however, expect happiness at finding the dress. 

14.   Don’t dry clean your dress.  Paula says the acids they use destroy the material.  She is a fan of spot cleaning with clear Windex, washing a gown in the tub with something like Woolite, and letting it hang dry.  She’s the pro, so we trusted her with this method, and it worked! 

15.   And don’t worry about your dress getting dirty on your wedding day.  Enjoy!